


TCEST - Say Something (I've Given Up On You)

by CeruleanBound



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Betrayal, Break Up, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Ghost of the Jungle, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, M/M, TMNT, Turtlecest, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 13:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3897748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanBound/pseuds/CeruleanBound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing: Leo & Mikey / Raph & Donnie<br/>Summary: Leo didn't return from his training in Central America when he promised he would. With only a brief letter addressed to Master Splinter weeks after he should have returned, Leonardo stops contacting his family altogether. It's been a year when he finally comes back into their lives. Unfortunately, his fun loving and happy mate has changed for the worse during his absence and feels betrayed by the ninja leader. Will Leo's lie lose him his relationship with Mikey? Will Mikey ever be able to forgive him? (Ratings will go up later!)<br/>Ages: Leo - 24, Raph - 23, Donnie - 22, Mikey - 21<br/>I don't own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles</p><p>Author Note: Turtles are not biologically related</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“How are they?” Leo awkwardly asked April as they huddled around the campfire.   
  
He hadn’t expected her to show up in Central America in search of an ancient artifact for her antique shop, Second Time Around. She’d taken advantage of the trip to hunt him down in the jungle after hearing rumors of a “ghost” vigilante. So now, here they were, catching up over a dinner of fish he'd caught earlier. 

“Don got a job as an IT specialist and Raph has been keeping busy by going out at night as ‘The Nightwatcher’ to help with the increased crime rate. He doesn’t think any of us know it’s him – so we’ve all been playing along and pretending it’s a big mystery,” April explained, knowing that who he really wanted to hear about was Mikey. “Raph fights with Don more since he doesn’t have you to fight with. It’s been straining their relationship.”

Leo nodded grimly and poked the fire, watching the embers spark and dance into the dark sky. He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly before he asked what had been weighing on his mind for nearly nine months now, “How’s Mikey?”

April frowned and Leo’s heart tightened. With her eyes focused on the flickering flames of the campfire, she told him exactly what he didn’t want to hear, “Mikey is angry and depressed. He’s not acting like himself. He’s acting like Raph, looking for trouble… He hate’s Master Splinter and has distanced himself from everyone else. Mikey’s broken and we’re all worried it’s beyond repair. If you’d come back home, though, you might be able to fix it!” She was speaking quickly now, worry shimmering in her green eyes, “Mikey’s been hurt so deeply by your decision to stay. I think… he’s given up on you…”

Leo looked down at the ground and nodded again, but his heart was breaking. Hot tears welled up in his hazel eyes and threatened to stain his mask. He knew Mikey wouldn’t handle his decision well.

“Leo, they think you’re dead since you haven’t written to anybody in months,” April whispered and placed her hand on top of his, “I wasn’t sure if I’d even find you when I came here.”

“I can’t face them. I’ve failed,” He choked out, refusing to look at her, and brushed her hand away; he didn’t deserve her comfort.

“That’s not true Leo, your family misses you so much. We’re all really worried about Mikey. His light is… gone. Nobody’s seen him smile in months….he still cries at night sometimes. He’ll deny it, but Raph told me he’s heard him…”

The thought of Mikey crying sent a wave of shame crashing down on the blue banded ninja, threatening to drown him in despair. How could he face Mikey after what he did? He’d promised he’d come back on time and in breaking that promise, he’d hurt the one that meant the most to him.

“Please, Leo,” April begged, “If you care about Mikey, come back.”

“You know I care about Mikey,” He growled, eyes flashing with anger. How dare she think he didn’t care about him? The nunchuck master had been the sole thought occupying his mind over the past year.

“I know you care about Mikey,” She said softly, “But I don’t think Mikey knows that anymore.”

\--------------------------------

_"Please don’t leave me,” Mikey whispered, struggling back the hot tears that were pressing against his closed eyelids._

_After their marathon of love making, which had been more emotional than usual, he was cuddled up close to Leo’s side while they relaxed in their shared bed and enjoyed the afterglow of their multiple couplings. Leo was meant to leave for his training in Central America the next day, and Mikey wasn’t handling the impending separation well. Leo held him tighter and nuzzled his cheek, nudging Mikey to open his eyes and look at him._

_“It’s only for a couple months,” Leo reminded him gently and kissed his forehead._

_"That’s like forever,” His sea green mate sniffled._

_Leo sighed and smoothed his hand down Mikey’s arm as he explained for the hundredth time, “Master Splinter wants me to go train to become a better leader. I can’t disobey his orders Mikey.”_

_“Why can’t I go with you?” Mikey asked as tears spilled down his cheeks._

_"It wouldn’t be safe.”_

_"It’s safe enough for you though?” He challenged, staring into Leo’s gloomy eyes with his watering blue ones, “I’m a highly trained ninja too, Leonardo.”_

_“I know that Mike. I don’t have a choice. Master Splinter said I had to do this alone.”_

_Mikey’s eyes brimmed, but he nodded anyway. He knew if their father wished this, there was no way Leo would refuse. “Please be careful,” He whispered and pressed his beak to Leo’s._

_“I’ll be back in 3 months, I promise,” Leo said and gave him a small smile when they ended their kiss._

His last conversation with Mikey played through his head on repeat as he walked through the familiar sewer tunnels. He’d left early the next morning while his family was sleeping, knowing none of them would be able to handle the goodbyes... That had been a year ago.

Leo’s eye ridges knit together in worry as he got closer to the lair. His stomach felt like it was twisting in knots and a thin sheen of perspiration clung to his leaf green skin. He wasn’t really sure what to expect when he got home since he’d been gone longer than any of them planned. What if they wouldn’t take him back? What if they hated him?

Leo noticed his steps becoming progressively slower and smaller until he completely stopped and leaned against one of the tunnel walls. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. April had managed to track him down in Central America and expressed her concern for the youngest mutant. She told him Mikey had given up on him. Leo wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt terribly and despite his failure, it was the reason he returned home – to fix his mistake, if possible. Leo rubbed the tension out of his neck and tightened his mask before walking the rest of the way to the lair.

The moment he stepped through the entrance, his eyes locked on his rat father and the olive green turtle reading on the couch. A tentative smile spread across his anxious face and he cleared his throat. The mutants in the living room whipped around, eyes widening in surprise and huge grins breaking out on each of their faces when they saw him. In a matter of seconds they were on their feet and racing towards him.

“Leo!” Donnie exclaimed and tackled him. “You’re back! Thank God! We were so worried! I’m so happy to see you!”

Leo stumbled backwards from the force of the hug and smiled as Donnie rambled, “I’m happy to see you too, Don.”

“My son,” Master Splinter beamed and opened his arms for an embrace.

Donnie reluctantly let go of his older brother so Leo could hug their father. The purple banded ninja rocked on the balls of his feet and couldn’t keep the smile off his face. The excited commotion had drawn Raph from his room and upon seeing Leo, he too grinned in relief and more than a little shock. The red banded turtle leapt down the stairs and made his way towards the others. He clapped Leo on the shell when Master Splinter released him.

“We thought you got eaten by monkeys or some shit,” Raph chuckled.

“Thanks Raph,” Leo rolled his eyes and then pulled Raph into a tight hug as well.

Happiness blossomed in his lonely heart from how warmly he’d been welcomed home. After spending months blocking out how badly he missed his family, he was at a loss of words to describe how wonderful it was to see them all again. Unfortunately, the one Leo really wanted to see was Mikey, and he hadn’t made an appearance yet.

Leo didn’t have to wait long for his wish to be fulfilled, though, because seconds later Mikey came out of the kitchen and froze. His surprise lasted only a few moments before it quickly faded to be replaced by cold, narrowed blue eyes. His mouth tightened into a thin line as he glared at his oldest brother. Leo squirmed beneath Mike’s unforgiving gaze for what felt like an eternity. He wasn’t sure how to react to seeing his younger lover looking so hateful, so he decided his best option was to feel out the situation and wait judgment.

“Finally remember about us did you?” Mikey asked in a steely voice, “I guess the calendar works differently in Central America.” There was no warmth in his voice like there normally was when he spoke to his oldest brother.

“Mikey – ,” Leo pleaded weakly, but before he could say anything else, Mikey turned on his heel and stalked up the stairs towards his bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Leo’s eye ridges pulled together and the corners of his mouth drooped down. He blinked several times and stared at the spot where his lover disappeared. Mikey reacted exactly how he feared he would and Leo could feel his beak sting with the threat of oncoming tears. His other brothers looked at each other nervously and shook their heads.

“Give him some time to come around, my son,” Master Splinter said forlornly and set a comforting hand on Leo’s shoulder.

Leo nodded sadly and trudged to his room to unpack. As he passed Mikey’s room he swore he heard soft sniffling. The knife twisted in his heart again and once more was overwhelmed by guilt. 

Leo unpacked his suitcase in silence, his hazel eyes blurred by the unshed tears he refused to let fall. When his few belongings were put away, he flopped down onto the bed. After sleeping in caves and trees for the past year, the comfortable mattress felt like a cloud, but his happy thought was quickly dampened when he noticed something missing. Mikey’s scent was gone, meaning his younger lover must have gone back to sleeping in his own room a long time ago. Leo bit his lip and stared at the blank ceiling. He needed to talk to Mikey, to apologize and explain…to explain what, though?  


	2. Chapter 2

Mikey slammed his bedroom door and locked it just as the tears started to fall. He’d only just made it out of the living room in time before his eyes betrayed him. For a moment he stood shaking, sharply gasping for air since his room suddenly seemed to be lacking oxygen. There was no point in turning on the lights – his vision was too blurred by tears to see anything anyway.

With a furious growl, he spun around and smashed his fist into the wall before throwing the nearest object – his Battle Nexus trophy. The glass pyramid smashed against the wall, shattering and showering down to the cement floor. His quick anger subsided as more tears carved down his cheeks and he cradled his injured hand. Mikey miserably flopped down onto his bed, covering his face with trembling fingers, ignoring the sting from his bloodied knuckles.

Seeing Leo walk back into their lives like nothing happened over their yearlong separation was too much for him. Leo appeared to be fine: healthy, uninjured, and seemingly okay. That meant he chose to stay away from him. He  _chose_  to hurt him. A strangled sob caught in his chest and he desperately wished he could rip his heart out so it would stop aching.

Mikey pressed his fists into his eyes until he saw white and bit down on his lip to quiet his uncontrollable sobbing. When the taste of copper assaulted his taste buds, he gave up trying to be silent and allowed himself to cry freely. The distraught turtle curled in on himself as tightly as he could and rocked back and forth. How could Leo do this to him?! What did he do to deserve this? This – this  _pain_  and _humility_!

The sea green turtle shuddered harder as he remembered how he’d foolishly marked down the days, and the weeks, and the months with a red X on his calendar, eagerly awaiting his lover’s return. He remembered feeling ready to burst with excitement the day Leo was supposed to come home to them. Since the moment the katana wielder left, he’d been looking forward to finally being able to sleep next to his mate in a warm bed again. He’d continued sleeping in their shared bed since Leo left, but it wasn’t the same and felt so much colder and lonelier. Above all, he couldn’t wait to be able to hug his mate after so much time spent apart.

But Leo didn’t return on time that night to greet him with a passionate kiss and adventurous stories. Mikey had been crushed and terrified for his mate’s safety, immediately believing something was wrong because he refused to believe Leo wouldn’t return without letting him know ahead of time. At the time he thought he knew his mate better. But he was clearly wrong.  

When the letters stopped too, the family was in a panic fueled uproar, daring everything in the universe if Leo was hurt. Finally, after waiting a week in case the flight had been delayed, Master Splinter wrote to Leo to find out what was delaying his return. It took nearly two and a half weeks to receive a letter, and during the agonizing period of waiting, the family held their breath. The letter Leo sent back was only a sentence long, addressed to only their father, and simply stated that he couldn’t come home yet. He didn’t leave an explanation.

When Mikey demanded the letter from their father, he instantly felt betrayed while reading the empty lines. Leo broke his promise and hadn’t even bothered to write to him to explain himself. Master Splinter wrote back to request an answer, but they never received a response.

Another month had passed and still no letters. Months had slowly turned into a year and Mikey’s heart broke with every passing day, until he didn’t think there was anything left to break. Mikey sobbed harder as he remembered the questions that haunted him for months and wouldn’t allow him the luxury of sleep.

Had Leo been _that_  anxious to get away from their family? From  _him_? Had he met somebody new? Did he have a new lover? Any explanation Mikey came up with only brought on more tears, just as they were now. Raph and Donnie also struggled with the leader’s decision to stay. The youngest brother knew they constantly felt like they were walking on eggshells so they wouldn’t unintentionally offend him since their relationship was still going strong.  

After months of not hearing from the eldest brother, the family was forced to accept that Leo must have been killed. Mikey had been devastated. They all mourned his death; however Mikey took it the hardest - fighting to forgive Leo for not coming home to him, so that he could find peace with his mate. That struggle resulted in him retreating further into the shell he’d become.

Mikey’s breathing came in short pants as he tried to calm down, but when that failed, he curled tighter in on himself and prayed for the pain to stop. Unfortunately, no amount of praying brought him any form of serenity. He was interrupted several times during the night by knocking at his door. Each time they were ignored. He didn’t want to see anybody – ever again. He was embarrassed and heartbroken; the least his family could do was leave him alone.

     

The next day he refused to come out of his room, again. As far as he was concerned, he’d never leave his small quarters. The only problem with his plan, though, was the fact that he didn’t have a bathroom or food. He did have a few water bottles lined up on his dresser, but that would only last him a couple days, at most. A normal human could survive about a week without water, but the same couldn’t be said for a turtle, even a mutated anthropomorphic turtle.

It was midafternoon when a knock came at the door. He was about to shout at whoever it was to go away, but then the knocking continued in a strange rhythmic pattern. Mikey recognized the knocker as Don and sighed deeply. The genius turtle made up the secret code several months earlier so Mikey would let him in when the youngest mutant was fighting with their father.

The heartbroken turtle got out of bed and sluggishly moved to open the door. He opened it just a crack and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. His immediate older brother leaned towards the side so Mikey could see the peace offering he held up. Mikey rubbed his puffy, bloodshot eyes and pulled the door open wider, stepping aside for the olive turtle to enter. He took the slice of pizza he was offered and crawled back onto his bed, leaning against the wall and slowly nibbling the food. It tasted like nothing.

Donnie turned on the light and cringed, eyes widening, when he noticed the glittering shattered trophy shards in the corner. He glanced in shock at Mikey and carefully picked his way through the messy room to sit next to the emotionally wounded turtle. Carefully, the purple banded ninja wrapped the smaller mutant into a tight hug and held him.

“Mikey… I’m so sorry.”

“He didn’t want to come back to me, Donnie,” Mikey whispered miserably after several moments of heavy silence, his beak stung painfully.  

“I’m sure that’s not true Mikey. Leo must have his reasons,” Donnie said optimistically and offered a small smile that was meant to be reassuring.

“Explain why he never wrote to me. Not once since his letter to Splinter,” Mikey growled and threw the unfinished pizza into the trash can by his dresser.

“I don’t have the answers this time,” Donnie whispered, frowning and staring at the trash can where the food was discarded, “Only Leo has the answers.”

“Well, I’m not interested in what he has to say,” Mikey pulled out of the hug and laid down, turning to face the wall and pulling his blanket over himself to hide.

Donnie sat with him a little longer, stroking his shell comfortingly. When it became clear that Mikey wasn’t going to talk anymore, he turned off the light and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Once the door clicked close, the orange banded ninja’s eyes snapped open and he crawled across the bed, laying on his plastron so he could reach underneath the frame.

He fumbled blindly for a while until his hand bumped against a stack of envelopes. The nunchuck master’s lips trembled and he considered leaving the letters where they were, so he wouldn’t torture himself further with their deceit. Eventually, he sighed heavily and pulled the stack out from under the bed, rolling over onto his carapace and clutching them tightly to his chest plates.

He had a total of 5 letters from Central America mailed to him during the 3 months Leo actively kept in contact. Mikey would have loved more letters to add to his collection, but it took a while for the postal service to mail to and from the states, and then after the fifth letter, Leo seemed to just forget about him. Despite the hurt the neglect inflicted, he treasured the letters.

Closing his eyes tightly, he fingered the vanilla envelops and imagined the stories and promises they held. They were in order from last to first, so he withdrew the top envelope and carefully fished out the letter so it wouldn’t rip. In the dark, he couldn’t make out Leo’s neat scrawl, but he didn’t need to, having memorized the message long ago.  
  


_My dearest Michelangelo,_

_I hope this letter can offer you a smile as it did for me while I was writing it because I was thinking of you. I have been busy with my training, but I hate to admit my focus has been lacking as of late because I miss you so much. I often find myself wondering what you’re doing during the day, if you’re having fun skateboarding somewhere in the sewers, drawing masterpieces, video gaming to beat your latest high score, or playing pranks on Raph and Donnie. Whatever you are doing with your time, I hope that you’re being safe. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you while I was away._

_Even after all this time I’ve spent here, I still haven’t gotten used to waking up without you next to me. I miss your warmth and our shared bed. Most nights I sleep in trees and caves – neither which are very comfortable. I can clearly picture that amused twinkle in your eye as you read that, and no I have not fallen out of a tree yet. I will write you right away if it happens, though._

_I never truly appreciated how great it was to hug and kiss you whenever I wanted. Now that’s all I can think about, that and your beautiful smile. Some days the picture I have of you is the only thing that keeps me going. You provide me motivation to finish my training quickly, because as soon as I’m done here, I can kiss your soft lips again. We will have so much time to make up for._

_I love you so much Mikey and I can’t wait to be with you again._

_All my love, Leo_   
  


As he recited the last lines to himself, he allowed tears to track down his cheeks. He wasn’t even sure how he could produce more tears after spending the entire night sobbing, but apparently it was possible. A sharp stabbing pain inside his head added insult to injury. Mikey considered texting Donnie about pain meds for his headache, but he really didn’t feel like seeing the genius again. Mikey tucked the letters under his pillow and curled up in fetal position, wishing for the sweet escape of sleep to envelope him so the pain could be forgotten, even for just an hour.

It was late evening when Mikey woke. The time 12:38 a.m. was lit up in chartreus on his alarm clock. He blinked blearily in surprise and felt a surge of gratefulness for how long he’d been able to sleep dreamlessly. Now that he was awake, however, the pain in his head and heart returned, this time accompanied by the dull ache of hunger.

Mikey considered the possibility of sneaking into the kitchen undetected by the katana wielder or his other family members, who would no doubt be looking to talk about his feelings with him. Before he could weigh the pros and cons of leaving his room, a loud growling made his decision for him. Mikey stuck his tongue out at his stomach and exhaled in annoyance. He’d just have to be stealthy – easy enough, he was a ninja after all.

The sea green mutant pushed himself into a sitting position and jumped out of bed quickly. Eyes wide, he reached out to steady himself when a wave of lightheadedness made his head swirl. When the abrupt dizziness passed, he snuck towards the door and silently opened it. The hallway was dark when he peered out, so he was hoping everyone was sleeping.

Taking care to listen to his surroundings with heightened senses, he tiptoed towards the kitchen, hungrily imagining what he’d eat first when he got there. With a triumphant half smile, he walked into the empty kitchen and rushed to the fridge. Mikey grabbed for a bagel, lunchmeat and tub of cream cheese, buy his ingredients were nearly dropped when he heard footsteps approaching. He glowered and turned to see Leo entering.

Leo froze and blinked rapidly, opening his mouth and closing it – looking more like a gaping fish than a turtle. Mikey noticed that he was slightly paler and anxiety painted his normally confident face. The leader attempted to compose himself and took a step forward, simultaneously raising his hand as if to reach out to the sea green turtle he’d hurt so deeply.

“Mikey, I –,” Leo whispered, his voice thick with emotion.   

“I’m not hungry anymore,” Mikey snarled, interrupting him and glaring with vehement hostility.

Mikey replaced the food in the fridge and stiffened his posture before he made to pass Leo. When Leo blocked his leave, Mikey set his jaw and scowled at him. The tension between them was overpowering and Leo averted his eyes to escape the wrath of Mikey’s livid blues.   

“Get out of my way, Leo,” The shorter ninja growled.

“Not until I get to talk to you,” Leo rushed out, putting his hands up defensively and finally looking him in the eye.

“Why on Earth would you want to talk to me now?” Mikey asked incredulously, and then snapped, “You didn’t want to for nine months and I’m not interested anymore.”`

“I know I hurt you Mikey, and I am so sorry. I really am. Please believe me,” Leo said quickly, his eye ridges pulling down over hazel eyes that begged to be trusted.  

Mikey held his gaze and muttered, “I don’t believe you. Now get out of my way.”

Leo made a small whimpering noise in his throat and didn’t move. He seemed to be struggling with what to say next. Before he could think of something, Mikey spoke up.

“Did you even miss me?” His voice barely audible.

“I missed you every second I was gone,” Leo replied, sincerely.

“Well, you did a great way of showing it,” Mikey scoffed sarcastically, pausing and watching as Leo flinched before continuing, “I would rather we go back to how we were before this stupid relationship ever started.”

“No, Mikey let me explain,” He moaned desperately as his eyes began to water. He shook his head, biting his lip and pleading for his mate to reconsider.  

“I don’t feel that way about you anymore,” Mikey stated icily and looked to the floor.

As soon as the lie left his lips, he forcefully pushed past the older turtle and headed back to his room, stopping just out of view of the kitchen so he could listen. The scrape of a kitchen chair told him Leo chose to sit down at the table, and then he heard pained weeping. Mikey squeezed his eyes shut, sighing heavily and rubbed his temples.

He got the reaction he wanted but he wasn’t happy about it. Instead it hurt him more to hear Leo so upset. As much as he hated Leo, he still loved him, but no matter his conflicting feelings about the leader, he knew that the relationship wasn’t going to work. Too much had changed and the breakup was the best option for both of them.

Mikey returned to his room dejectedly. The excruciating headache was back and his stomach still groaned protests at him. He locked the door and sat down on the end of his bed. He refused to cry anymore since the blue banded ninja wasn’t worth his tears. Tomorrow he wouldn’t stay locked up in his room. He’d see Leo and it wouldn’t bother him. There was no reason for it to bother him now that they were over.

Truthfully, they’d been over for a few months already, but Leo hadn’t known that. When Mikey finally accepted that he’d never see him again, he tried moving on. Raph and Donnie both offered him a place in the physical aspect of their relationship and although it took awhile to warm up to the idea, he’d been with them both, and separately, on a few occasions when he needed an emotional and physical release.

The orange banded ninja knew Leo would need time to adjust, but that wasn’t Mikey’s fault. If Leo would have just kept his promise to him, none of this would have happened. Now it was too late.


	3. Chapter 3

His internal alarm clock woke him up at 6:30 a.m., just like it always did. At first the ninja leader couldn’t remember why he was sleeping at the kitchen table, but after blinking groggily and noting the sticky streaks on his cheeks, the painful memory returned. Leo’s face immediately fell and he moaned lowly, biting his lip to quiet his agony. He felt more tears welling up in his eyes, even though he’d cried so much the night before it was surprising he still could.

Had Mikey really broken up with him? Leo shook his head dejectedly. Well, what had he expected Mikey to do?, he thought bitterly. Of course Mikey would want to hurt him after he’d been hurt so badly. It made sense, but it broke his heart to know the youngest turtle was no longer his. He rested his head on the table and wondered how he could see Mikey again and not break down blubbering like a fool and beg him to take him back.  

Leo shook his head as hot tears streamed down his face, repainting the dried streaks and pooling on the wooden table beneath him. Despite the emotional wreck he’d transformed into since the previous night, he knew he couldn’t stay in the kitchen. His family would eventually head there for breakfast and it would be humiliating to have to explain his miserable state – or worse, he’d have to face Mikey before he was ready. On shaking legs, the blue banded turtle got to his feet, wiped away the puddle of tears he’d made, and headed for his room – the room he  _used_  to share with Mikey. Leo paused outside his door, hand hovering over the doorknob… maybe he didn’t want to go in there; it would just remind him of what he no longer had.

Sighing in defeat, he rerouted and headed for the elevator that would take him to the garage. He was thankful the elevator was quiet and wouldn’t alert the entire lair where he was heading – he really wanted to be alone. Stepping off the platform, he headed for a corner of the garage that wasn’t being overtaken by Don’s inventions that were too large for his lab, the van or Raph’s motorcycle. He settled into a meditation pose and tried to compose himself.

No matter how long he sat there, though, he couldn’t cease the near hysterical sobbing that shook his entire body with anguish. Leo could remember almost every time he’d ever been badly hurt in practice or battle and he could remember every scar that tattooed his body, but he’d never felt pain like  _this_  before. It felt like his heart was being repeatedly stabbed and then the knife twisted.

He’d lost track of how long he’d been sitting there, wallowing away in his depression, when the sound of footsteps approaching made him flinch. Raph came into view a few seconds later, after Leo managed to quickly scrub away the humiliating tears. He was about to tell Raph to leave him alone but Raph cut him off by holding up his hand.  

“I know you’re not meditating,” Raph declared and watched as Leo’s mouth snapped closed.

Leo averted his hazel eyes because Raph’s golden ones reflected pity and it only served to heat Leo’s tearstained cheeks with further embarrassment. Raph sat down across from the ninja leader and folded his hands in his lap. It was clear to the katana wielder that he was waiting for Leo to talk first. Leo sniffled and closed his eyes tightly, he didn’t want to be having this conversation – if he did, it would make this nightmare real. They sat in an uncomfortable silence until Leo couldn’t contain the sob ripping in chest. The sound came out pitiful and strangled, followed by a cascade of salty sadness down his leaf green cheeks. Leo bent forward, curling in on himself and wrapped his arms around his chest as if that could help the pain in his heart.  

“Mikey – he – he – he end-ended it,” Leo finally choked out, stuttering as he tried to keep from sobbing any harder.

“Yeah, he told us at breakfast,” Raph explained softly.

“I d-don’t know w-what to – to do, Raph,” Leo cried, “I’ve l-l-lost him.”

Raph sighed heavily and fidgeted with his wrist guard before quietly stating, “Ya didn’t lose Mikey, Leo. Mikey lost you.”

Leo hiccupped and his mouth curved down into a deeper frown. He shook his head miserably and sniffled. He understood what Raph meant, but he didn’t want to believe it. He was ashamed for how he’d treated his mate and he knew he deserved the breakup no matter how painful it was. Raph scooted closer and wrapped his arms around the older turtle to offer some comfort.

“Ya didn’t see him Leo. Yer being gone so long was killing him. Months after that letter ya sent to Splinter, which was what hurt Mike the most since ya didn’t write to him, we all assumed ya were dead when the letters ended. Mikey was the last one to accept it, but when he did Leo… he’s mourned yer death, he’s already lost ya. And now that you’re back, he doesn’t trust himself  _or_  you because he can’t lose ya again,” Raph explained slowly.

“I screwed up really big,” Leo choked out after his brother’s words had time to sink in.

Raph nodded in agreement, “Yeah, ya did. But Mike's unlikely to hold a grudge forever.”

Leo bobbed his head against Raph’s shoulder and tried to suppress the shudder wracking his body. He was trying to convince himself that what Raph was saying was true. Mikey wasn’t usually one to stay mad for long, and definitely not at Leo, but he’d never been hurt so badly by the one he thought loved him most. No matter how hard he tried to reassure himself, he couldn’t, and he ended up shaking his head in defeat.

“W-what if he n-never forgives me?” Leo’s voice was small and fearful.

Raph shifted and tightened his embrace before admitting, “I don’t know, Leo. I can't answer that.”

They sat in silence after that, Leo was grateful that Raph continued to let him cry while he offered him as much comfort as he could. When Leo’s weeping quieted to occasional sniffling, Raph promised to go to the kitchen and bring him back breakfast. Leo shook his head, which was aching from dehydration, and declined the offer.

“I can get my own breakfast, I can’t hide forever, after all,” Leo mumbled and moved away from Raph.

He wiped away the tears and massaged his temples before accepting Raph’s hand and getting to his feet. Together they walked to the elevator and rode down to the lair. Leo appreciated Raph trying to comfort him. Unfortunately, the only turtle who was capable of comforting him probably didn’t ever want to see him again.

“Ya don’t have ta worry about runnin' inta Mikey today, he told us he was headin' to Leatherhead’s,” Raph explained and squeezed Leo’s shoulder when they stepped into the common room of the lair.

The blue banded ninja felt a mixture of relief and disappointment but nodded to Raph all the same and said, “Thanks Raph, for everything.”

Raph offered a reticent smile and headed in the direction of Don’s lab. Leo sighed and made his way to the kitchen. Mindlessly, he made himself a piece of toast and after buttering it, sat down at the table to nibbled on it. He wasn’t really hungry, but there was no point starving himself because he was depressed. Leo felt ridiculous when he remembered how he’d been looking forward to Mikey’s excellent cooking; it was unlikely Mikey would ever intentionally cook for him again. Leo groaned quietly and put the near untouched toast down on his plate.

“Good morning, my son,” Master Splinter greeted as he entered the kitchen and sat across from him, holding a cup of tea between his paws.

“Good morning, sensei,” Leo’s voice sounded hollow.

He didn’t look at his father but instead focused on the toast someone could argue was being eaten by a rabbit instead of a turtle, based on the nibbling around the edges. The old rat reached across the table and placed a paw on the leaf green turtle’s arm. Leo’s eyes flickered up to look at the concern written across his father’s furry face before he lowered his gaze again.

“What is wrong my son? I sense more tension in the air,” Master Splinter’s voice was soft.

Leo couldn’t bring himself to look at the ninja master. He didn’t know what to say. He’d lost Mikey because his father wanted him to leave and become a better leader. His father knew that he wouldn’t refuse his wish and when Leo was unable to fulfil that wish, he’d been too ashamed to return home. Part of him losing Mikey was their father’s fault, but most of the fault belonged to Leo.

“Mikey – Mikey has ended our relationship,” Leo choked out.

Master Splinter sighed unhappily, “I am sorry my son. Mikey is in a bad place right now. He has been for the past year. Unfortunately, you must not let your emotions cloud your judgment as a leader. You must find a way to push past these distractions so you can achieve a calmer state of mind and be the ninja leader you were destined to be.”

Leo inhaled sharply when his father finished speaking. Had he just called Mikey a  _distraction?_  The katana wielder pulled his arm away from his father and set his jaw defensively. Had Master Splinter  _really_  just told him to get over the breakup because Mikey was a _distraction?_  Leo’s head was swimming with surprised confusion and he couldn’t even fully process his sensei’s declaration.

“Now tell me about your training,” Master Splinter continued on as if Leo’s change in demeanor hadn’t occurred.

“Michelangelo is  _not_  a distraction,” Leo growled out, ignoring his father’s attempt to change the subject.

“He is if he was the reason you were unable to complete your training on time,” Master Splinter stated matter-of-factly.

The eldest turtle felt like he’d been slapped. How dare his sensei blame Mikey for  _his_  failure in Central America! For a moment the blue banded ninja gaped at the rat he’d always considered to be a loving father and was unable to fathom how Master Splinter could be so cold to him when he needed him most.

“Michelangelo is  _not_ the reason I failed my mission,” Leo’s voice was steely and his hazel eyes glinted with brewing anger, “Maybe I failed because you sent me to a godforsaken jungle in the middle of CENTRAL AMERICA with nobody to lead, and told me to practice my leadership skills! How – how does that even make sense?”

“That was part of your challenge,” Master Splinter said calmly and sipped his tea.

Leo blinked in shock. He’d never felt such hatred towards his master before and the anger was beginning to permeate his mind like thick, billowing smoke. The katana wielder ground his teeth together and traced his finger along the rim of his plate.

“Part. Of. My. Challenge?” Leo snarled and hurled the plate at the wall, listening to the satisfying shatter before he continued, “Were you expecting me to lead monkeys around the jungle? At least when you sent me for training in Japan, I had the Ancient One to guide me!”

Master Splinter flinched when the ceramic smashed but kept his eyes trained on his eldest son. The old rat shook his head sadly and muttered, “If you were unable to understand the point of your mission, you have clearly failed me.”

The leaf green turtle breathed sharply and his eyes blinked rapidly. He’d always feared hearing those words from his sensei, and there they were. He’d failed him. Leo’s mouth tightened in a straight line and he got to his feet, not caring when is chair tipped back and banged against the cement floor. Without giving the ninja master a second glance, he left the kitchen.

He wasn’t sure where he intended on going but he needed to get out of the lair and away from Master Splinter before he used his training against him. As the fuming turtle stomped through the sewer tunnels, he decided on a destination: he’d visit April. April always knew what to say to help them; she’d know what to do about Mikey. At least, he hoped she would.  

Feeling content with his plan, he continued in the direction of the nearest manhole close to his friend's apartment. The closer he got, the more he wondered how he'd explain the problem - or now, several problems - to April. Leo stopped walking when a terrible realization dawned on him. It was still morning which meant broad daylight. He couldn’t afford to go to the surface and risk being spotted. The leader’s forehead wrinkled and his beak upturned in sadness. Digging in his belt, he retrieved his shell cell and typed in the redhead’s number. It rang three times before she answered.

__“_ Leo?”_

He let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, when he heard her voice, “April! Can you meet me somewhere? Please.”

__“S_ ure…is something wrong?”_

Leo closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the sewer tunnel wall, “Everything’s wrong. I – I shouldn’t have come home.”


	4. Chapter 4

He told Raph and Don he’d be visiting Leatherhead that day. Mikey knew it was cowardly to hide from Leo, but he needed to get out of the lair. He couldn’t see Leo right after the breakup; it had been hard enough to get the words out with a straight face – especially when he felt like he was dying inside. The orange masked turtle kicked rocks and rubble as he walked through the sewer tunnels. He slumped forward with his head down and wondered how it was possible he felt emptier than he had all year?

The sound of the ninja leader lamenting the end of their relationship echoed in his head, refusing to let him forget the pain he inflicted on his ex-lover. Mikey ground his teeth and scrunched his eyes shut. He told himself it shouldn’t matter to him that Leo was hurt. He’d been hurting for months and that hadn’t mattered to the katana master! Sighing softly, Mikey stopped walking and massaged his temples. It shouldn’t matter to him. It shouldn’t.

But it did.

Mikey let out a heavy sigh and then continued his journey to Leatherhead’s home. It was a good thing his feet knew where he was heading because he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking. Several minutes later, he was standing outside the entrance to the abandoned station Leatherhead had made his home in. He let himself in since the mutated crocodile was expecting him. As he entered the designated living area, Leatherhead looked up from his book, placing a large claw in the crease so he wouldn’t lose his page. He repositioned his glasses to see his guest better, but upon noticing the distraught expression contorting the sea green features, he set down his book and beckoned him closer.

“My friend, what is wrong?”

“Leo’s back,” Mikey explained hollowly, his mouth set in a straight line so his lip wouldn’t tremble.

Leatherhead smiled kindly but his eyes shone with confusion, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

The sea green turtle shook his head miserably, “It would have been a good thing if I could have told you that nine months ago.”

Leatherhead frowned, “Did Leonardo just get home?”

“He got home two nights ago…”

The crocodile man nodded slowly, watching the young turtle closely before he asked, “Did he explain his extended absence?”

“Not really,” Mikey shook his head and scrubbed the back of his left hand across his eyes to catch the tears that were beginning to fall.

The large reptile’s eye ridges knit further together as he heaved himself out of his chair, “Perhaps, I should make us some tea and we can talk more about this?”

Mikey nodded glumly and sat down in an adjacent armchair, curling up on himself as he waited. While Leatherhead busied himself making tea, the nunchuck master picked at his wrist guard. He was embarrassed he was already crying in front of his friend. For years the only one he ever cried in front of was Leo, and that was only if he was really injured or had a nightmare. Crying in front of others made him feel weak and childish, yet in the past year he felt like he’d cried in front of everyone. At least he was lucky nobody mocked him for it. Leatherhead returned shortly after and handed him a steaming cup of green tea.

“Thanks,” The depressed terrapin mumbled and offered a weak smile to the older mutant, hoping despite his low mood, Leatherhead understood how much he appreciated his efforts to cheer him up.

Leatherhead resumed his seat in his armchair and sipped his own tea, watching the sea green turtle and waiting until he wished to speak again. For a long time, Mikey swirled his drink in silence and stared at golden liquid sloshing against the ceramic. Mikey closed his eyes and took a sip, letting the familiar earthy taste and nutty undertone soothe him slightly.

“I broke up with him,” Mikey whispered and peaked up at Leatherhead’s reaction.

The crocodile man simply nodded, prompting him to go on.

“I had to because it would never be the same between us. He lied to me and betrayed me,” Mikey continued, lowering his gaze back to the hot beverage in his hands, “I can’t ever trust him again and trust is important in a relationship. How could I be sure he wouldn’t leave me again?”

“You make a good point, Michelangelo. Trust is very important.”

“It’s not just him that I don’t trust… I don’t trust myself either. If I let him back in, I’m just fixing myself up to get knocked back down,” The sea green turtle moaned as a hot tear trailed down his left cheek.

“Do you believe Leonardo meant to hurt you on purpose?”

Mikey looked up at him, blinked once and nodded, “Why else would he ignore me? I even wrote to him after Splinter did… and nothing. He’s not injured or sick which means he chose to stay away from me.”

“Can you think of a reason he would want to hurt you?” Leatherhead set his empty tea cup on a small wooden end table.

The brokenhearted turtle frowned, more tears welling up in his blue eyes again as he remembered all of the terrible reasons that plagued his vulnerable mind, in a shaky voice he whispered, “ I thought I was a good mate to him… But I guess I was wrong.”

“I think that is a matter you should discuss with Leonardo,” Leatherhead said gently.

The nunchuck master shook his head miserably as the tears spilled down his face, “I don’t want to talk to him. It hurts too much to know he didn’t love me the way I thought he did. I don’t even want to see him again.”

“I am sorry you are hurting, my friend,” Leatherhead apologized genuinely and then offered, “You are welcome to stay with me as long as you’d like.”

Mikey gave him an appreciative smile, “Thanks, LH.”

“I would be happy to extend my hospitality. Your family has been so generous to me over the years,” Leatherhead smiled.

“I think I will stay with you for a while, but first I think I need a change of scenery from the sewer. I’m going to ask April if I can stay at Casey’s farmhouse until I feel like I can handle my family,” Mikey explained, looking up at the station ceiling, “Even if I do stay with you, I’ll have to face them at some point.”

“A change of scenery might be a good idea for you,” Leatherhead agreed, “Will you be telling Donatello and Raphael where you are going?”

“No. If they ask, you can tell them I’m fine.”

“My friend, you are very far from being fine.”

Mikey shrugged sullenly, “It’s not the first time I’ve left unannounced. Don and Raph are used to it. I don’t care what Master Splinter thinks and Leo probably won’t even notice.”

 

*Meanwhile*

 

“What do you think is going to happen with Leo and Mikey?” Donnie asked while he peered through his microscope, his tongue peeking out while he concentrated on focusing the magnification.

It had been a shock for the whole family when Leo just up and walked back into their lives. After almost nine and a half months of no contact, they honestly didn’t think he was still alive. It had been crushing to think the rock of the family could be chopped down in the prime of his Ninjutsu career – it made them all a little wary about using their skills much to Master Splinter’s dismay. Since Leo’s supposed death, none of them had had the energy or motivation to continue training with their sensei. Now that he was back, though, they’d all have to readjust to him living at home and likely resume their training.

“I don’t know,” Raph sighed despondently and looked down at his swinging feet. He was currently sitting on top of the desk next to his mate, hands curled over the lip of the desk as he stared at the cracks and stains of the lab’s cement floor.

“When you talked to Leo, did he tell you why he stayed away so long?” The scientist leaned back from the microscope and rubbed his eyes before look up at the older male.

Raph frowned and shook his head, “Not really. He just kept bawlin’ and sayin’ he doesn’t know what to do to fix things with Mike.”

“I’m not surprised. It’s going to be very difficult to make amends after how he just ditched him,” Don shrugged glumly, the corners of his mouth curving down in sorrow, “I wouldn’t be so forgiving if you did that to me.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t ever leave ya in the first place,” Raph said and hopped off the desk so he could wrap Don in a tight hug from behind, “Yer stuck with me, brainiac.”

“Good,” Don leaned back into the embrace and closed his eyes, “That’s just the way I like it.”

Raph nuzzled the olive turtle in his arms and pressed a kiss to his cheek, but frowned when he recognized the suddenly rigidity of his posture, “What’s wrong?”

“Do you think we should tell Leo about what we did…with Mikey?” Donnie asked shyly.

Don couldn’t help but feel bad about everything that had happened between them and Mikey during the leader’s absence. The only reason he’d allowed the progression in their relationship to reach the point it had was because they never expected Leo to come back… but now… Don felt like it was dishonorable to be keeping such intimate details about their relationship since it directly concerned Leo.

The emerald mutant leaned his head against his mate’s shoulder and sighed, “Not right now. Leo has enough to deal with... Maybe we won’t even need to tell him.”

“I feel guilty,” Don mumbled and leaned his head against Raph’s.

“We didn’t do anythin’ wrong, Donnie. Mikey needed us and we all thought Leo was gone fer good,” The sai wielder rationalized, “It’s not like we forced ourselves on him.”

Don nodded slightly but he wasn’t convinced they didn't have reasons to feel guilty. The emerald turtle smoothed his hands down his mate’s arms until he found his hands and squeezed comfortingly. The purple ninja was thankful for the reassurance knowing Raph rationalized the situation the same way he’d been doing in his mind.  Even though his mate tried to brush it off, Don could tell Raph was feeling bad about it also.

“Whatcha lookin’ at with the microscope?” Raph asked to change the topic.

“I’ve been doing some blood tests for Leo to make sure he’s healthy since he was away for so long,” Don explained hollowly, “Right now I’m just looking at a sample of his blood cells and counting the leukocytes.”

The red banded ninja nodded but before he could comment on the tedious procedure, they were both startled by the sound of something smashing. Brown and golden eyes widened before both turtles jumped up and ran to the door. Raph held out his arm, stopping Don from leaving the lab. A silent message passed between them and they both agreed to stay out of whatever was happening when the shattering sound was followed by Leo’s voice raising angrily.  

“Were you expecting me to lead monkeys around the jungle? At least when you sent me for training in Japan, I had the Ancient One to guide me!” Leo shouted vehemently from the kitchen.

Don chewed his cheek and looked nervously to Raph who was frowning; Leo wasn’t known for outburst of anger, that was more the emerald turtle’s specialty. The purple and red ninjas strained to make out their father’s reply, but Master Splinter spoke too softly. Moments later a chair clattered to the floor and the katana wielder stormed out of the kitchen, clenching and unclenching his fists, mouth set in a thin line. The younger mutants watched him leave before quietly making their way to the kitchen.

Master Splinter was hunched over picking up shattered ceramic by the far wall. Don winced at the sight of their aged father struggling to bend over to clean up. He quickly approached him and set a hand on his shoulder before gently taking the broken pieces from him. Master Splinter looked up at his two middle sons with his face set in a deep forlorn expression.

“What the shell happened?” Raph asked and gestured at the mess his mate was beginning to sweep up.

“Leonardo is not happy with me,” The old rat sighed heavily.

“Yeah, we guessed that much,” Donnie stated and squatted to sweep the pile of broken plate into the dustpan.

The ninja master frowned and then said earnestly, “I understand he is hurting, but I do not want this breakup to be a discouragement from further training.”

“I’m starting ta see why he got mad,” Raph muttered under his breath and met Don’s eyes.

“Training is very important so you can protect yourselves. I trained you so you would always be safe and unfortunately over the years you have accumulated many enemies in the process of using those honorable skills.”

“We know how important training is to you Sensei, but Leo’s very… um – fragile right now,” Donnie tried to explain.

“I do not know what to do if he is going to start acting out like Michelangelo has this past year. It has been hard enough keeping him out of trouble… I am sure I do not even know the half of what he has gotten into...”

Raph and Don grimaced and looked away from each other. Their younger brother had definitely had a rough year, and made sure they all did as well. Half the time they didn’t know whether to believe where Mikey said he was going because he’d become exceptionally rebellious since Leo’s extended absence. Most nights he staggered in late at night drunk off his shell or severely injured.

“Right now, I think they both need support,” Don advised, “If Leo’s going to be the leader again, he’s going to have to work something out with Mikey so Mikey follows him. We should let them focus on rebuilding some form of relationship and then we can worry about training.”

He hoped their father would understand if he explained it that way. It was no secret the ninja master was becoming very old and although they wished they would have more time with him, time is cruel and unpredictable. Due to his noticeable aging, it seemed over the years Master Splinter became more obsessed with training them so he felt like he did everything he could so they could defend themselves.

Master Splinter’s whiskers drooped but he nodded in acceptance, “I suppose you are right, Donatello. It will be enough of a challenge for Leonardo to regain Michelangelo’s trust. I will talk to him again and try to make amends. I did not mean him to think I disapprove of the special relationships you have all formed with each other. I just want to keep you all safe while I am still here to help train you or at least lead you in the direction of more advanced training.”

Following their master’s words, the only sound in the kitchen was the tinkling of ceramic clinking against the trashcan’s plastic bottom. Raph awkwardly scratched his forearm and refused to meet anyone’s eyes. Don knew it was especially difficult for Raph to come to terms with the idea of their father’s future passing. As the silence stretched, Master Splinter shuffled over to the table and righted Leo’s fallen chair.

“Do you know where Leonardo went after he left the kitchen?” The aged rat asked his middle sons.

“We saw him leaving the lair when we came to find out what smashed,” The purple ninja answered while he replaced the broom and dust pan next to the fridge.

“He and Mike outta the lair at the same time?” Raph questioned anxiously as if he just realized what that meant, “Wonder what’ll happen if they run inta each other…”


	5. Chapter 5

“How will I ever get him to trust me again?” Leo asked, desperately throwing his arms up in the air, “I mean, how can I be their leader if Mikey h-hates me? He’s not going to listen, and why should he? I didn’t prove myself to him when I should have. I’ve ruined everything because I let my stupid pride get in the way.”

April was quiet for a moment as she rubbed soothing circles onto his shell before quietly explaining, “You are going to have to work on mending your relationship as a brother and friend first and then move from there.”

They were sitting on the stairs of an abandoned subway station. Leo was thankful she hurried over as soon as she did because he had been close to breaking down again after walking out of the lair. When she arrived, they’d talked about his reunion with Don and Raph, his unexpected fight with his father and how strange it was, in general, to be back in New York City after spending a year in the jungle. It was disconcerting, but Leo felt like a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit with the rest of the puzzle anymore. Shocking what one year away could do. Now the conversation turned to Mikey, and he’d been able to hold off the tears thus far, but his restraint was wavering the longer they sat and talked. 

“I feel like I don’t even know him anymore,” Leo whispered dejectedly, “He seems so different.”

April sighed and folded her hands in her lap. In a disheartened voice, she explained, “Nobody really knows him anymore. He’s shut himself out from almost everyone. I think he’s afraid of getting hurt… again…”

Leo moaned softly and rubbed his hand across his eyes. His fingers came away wet, which was unsurprising based on how badly his beak was stinging. Everything was a mess. His mess. He’d caused this. And on top of everything with Mikey, he felt betrayed by his father’s apathy toward the situation. How could his father say such a think about Mikey? It wasn’t Mikey’s fault he’d failed. What had his father even expected from Leo? The whole trip seemed like a joke now that he thought about it and put it into perspective. Sure he’d honed his skills the best he could, given the circumstances, and he’d become stronger and if possible even more paranoid, but how could he accomplish becoming a better leader if he didn’t have a team to lead while away?

“He’s trying to be like Raph – going out looking for trouble. It scares everyone because he’s nearly as good,” April continued softly.

“I can’t picture that,” The leaf green mutant admitted. He also didn’t want to imagine his sweet Mikey as anything other than how he remembered him. 

April wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug to console her hurting friend. It was the hug that finally broke Leo, and he let the tears he'd tried so hard to suppress, finally fall freely. “I’m sorry, Leo. I know things aren’t how you hoped they’d be when you came home.”

“It’s not your fault,” Leo sobbed out thickly, tucking his face into her shoulder so she wouldn’t see him cry, “I made the choice to stay away.”

April pat his shell lightly and let him grieve his failed relationship, the strangeness of his home life and his father’s surprising indifference. Things would be rough for the family for a while, but she was confident they could overcome this hurdle as well. They’d conquered too many obstacles together in their young lives already, to let this tear them apart. It would take time for Leo to reestablish his place in their lives and team once he regained some of their lost trust, but April had a feeling that once everything worked out, the family would be stronger than ever because they would appreciate their relationships more. 

They stayed embraced for a long time while Leo let out his frustration and guilt on her now wet shoulder. April’s heart broke for her friends, and she wished she could do more to help them. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lot she could do besides be there for each of them when they needed someone to listen, and provide what comfort she was capable of. Finally, after what seemed like hours to the slightly dehydrated turtle, he wiped his face and helped his friend to her feet. She could see his face heating with embarrassment.

“It’ll be okay, Leo. Maybe not right now, but things will work out eventually,” April placated gently and wrapped her arms around him once more for a quick hug, “You’ll need to put in the effort with the rest of your family too, though. Don’t forget about them while you try to fix things with Mikey. They deserve attention and apologies as well.”

Leo nodded in agreement and winced. His temples were throbbing, and his head felt like it was full of cotton. He swayed slightly when a sudden wave of vertigo washed over him. He’d need to get a glass of water once he returned to the lair to rehydrate after the amount of crying he'd managed thus far that morning. The ninja leader appreciated April talking to him and giving him advice even after he’d let her down as well, by staying away so long with no reason or contact. Now that they’d talked, and she’d given him ideas for gaining back his family’s trust, he would have to make things right. The redhead fished a packet of Kleenex out of her purse and handed it to him. He took them gratefully, wiping his eyes and blew his nose noisily. 

“Thanks, April,” Leo whispered and knew she understood he was thanking her for more than just the Kleenex.

April smiled warmly and squeezed his free hand, “I’ll always be here for you, Leo. You are all my family. Now go fix things with the others.”

He managed a small smile and nodded. After a quick goodbye, since April had to get back to her shop, Leo decided to go home and see what he could do to start making things right with Donnie and Raph. Even though Raph seemed happy to see him when he first got home, and he was kind to him following the breakup, Leo wasn’t naïve enough to think there weren’t hurt feelings and anger brewing in his immediate younger brother. Leo hoped he was correct in assuming the easiest brother to placate and gain forgiveness from would be Don, but he wouldn’t know until he tried.

About 20 minutes later, Leo entered the lair and quickly looked around to see if the purple or red banded ninjas were present. The ninja leader was not at all pleased when instead of finding one of his brothers, his gaze landed on his sensei. Leo’s expression immediately hardened, and he ignored the way his father approached him, instead turning towards the bathroom to avoid confrontation. Master Splinter probably wanted to reprimand him for his behavior earlier that morning. However, Leo wasn’t in the mood for it. 

He still didn’t feel like going to his and Mi- his room... A wave of sadness crashed over him again at that stumble in his thoughts, and he hurried to lock himself inside the safe haven the bathroom provided at that moment. Leo grabbed a disposable Dixie cup off the counter and filled it with water before turning on the shower. Perhaps a hot shower would make him feel a little better. It probably couldn’t make him feel worse at this point, Leo reasoned.

 

“Leonardo,” Master Splinter’s soft voice followed three light knocks on the bathroom door.

He’d finished his shower half an hour ago. However, he knew his sensei would be waiting and preferred to bide his time sitting in the steam. Some fearless ninja he was, Leo snorted. He was afraid to face his own sensei, but not because he feared punishment for his behavior. Leonardo was more worried about eventually regretting his own actions against his father if the ninja master set him off again about his former mate. So he sat in the steam and ignored the knocking. The shower had not, in fact, made him feel any better. It also hadn’t made him feel worse, though, so not altogether a bad decision.

“Leonardo, please come out,” Master Splinter called again, “I wish to apologize.”

That caught Leo’s attention, and hazel eyes narrowed at the door. His master wanted to apologize to him? The necessity that his father needed to apologize was such a ludicrous idea in the first place since he and Leo never fought. They disagreed at times, but their disagreements never became heated. It illuminated the severity of the toll his absence took on his family, and suddenly Leo felt very tired. Without wasting more time hiding, the young leader stood and opened the door. He tried not to glare too harshly despite the way his eye ridges naturally pulled down and his beak curled at the sight of his father.

“Leonardo, I apologize for our earlier conversation. I never meant to make it sound like I disapprove of the special relationships you and your brothers have all formed amongst each other. I am not as young as I once was, and I fear for your safety after I am gone. I worry I have not done enough to train you or assist you in finding more advanced training,” Master Splinter spoke quickly before his eldest had time to push passed him.

Leo set his jaw and averted his eyes. He let his sensei’s apology sink in, and his voice was cold when he finally spoke, “That still doesn’t excuse you from your comments about Mikey. My failure had nothing to do with him. It was my own pride and self-doubt that got in the way of me succeeding in my training or returning when planned. You had no right to blame Mike for that.”

Master Splinter’s whiskers drooped, and he hung his head in shame, “I am aware that I placed unwarranted blame on Michelangelo, and I apologize for that as well. I am truly sorry that your relationship ended, and you are both currently in such a fragile state. I have always tried to train you well so you may all stay safe, but over the years you’ve accumulated so many enemies that I can’t help but want to push you harder, so I can feel at peace someday knowing you will all be alright after I pass. This morning when we spoke, I was afraid that your breakup would be detrimental to all of your continued training. Raphael and Donatello helped me see that that way of thinking is not going to help the matter. You and Michelangelo need to reestablish some kind of relationship before this team can function safely and efficiently once more. I also understand regaining his trust will be difficult. Michelangelo and I have been at odds since you left, and I have not known how to console or handle him because he has internalized so much hurt. I doubt he’ll forgive me for sending you away, but I hope you will have better luck achieving his forgiveness in time.”

Leo sighed heavily and nodded his head to show he accepted the apology. He was satisfied Master Splinter no longer blamed Mikey for Leo’s mistakes and failure, but knowing he’d disappointed his father still hurt like a fresh cut from one of Raph’s sais. He'd always feared disappointing his father and now it had happened. The leaf green turtle didn’t meet the old rat’s beady eyes when he mumbled, “I’m going to get a drink of water,” and walked toward the kitchen. Master Splinter remained in front of the bathroom for several moments before finally heading to his room to meditate on the issues his family was facing.

The katana master’s temples were still throbbing, so he rummaged around in the cabinet until he found a bottle of Advil and took two pills with water. Leo grabbed a tube of Ritz crackers and after much hesitation headed for his room. He knew being back in his own room would be difficult, but there was nowhere else he could go without being disturbed. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if it was a relief that Mikey’s scent no longer inhabited his room. That thought just made him sad, so he pushed it away. Leo still wanted to start making things up to Raphael and Donatello, but his head was killing him, and a nap didn’t seem so terrible at that moment. 

 

*Meanwhile*

 

Mikey spent most of the day with Leatherhead allowing his friend time to attempt to cheer him up. Despite Leatherhead’s best efforts, Mike still felt so betrayed and hurt by Leo. He couldn’t remember feeling so angry before, either. Mikey had a fleeting thought about Raphael’s temper and wondered if the hothead was always in this state? If he was, Mikey sympathized, it was a terrible feeling. And on top of all the other emotions wreaking havoc on his poor broken heart, he also felt like he was drowning in a pit of despair. 

“Leatherhead, I appreciate you trying, dude,” Mikey sighed, “I really do, but I think I should go talk to April and Casey to see if I can camp out at the farmhouse for a few days. I just need to get out of here before I explode.”

Leatherhead offered him a small smile. It pained him to see his young friend’s blue eyes brewing with such turmoil. The miserable expression was out of place on the once happy turtle’s face. He prayed some time to himself would help Michelangelo heal, but he also knew that eventually, the orange banded terrapin would need to have a discussion with the leader who hurt him. “Do not worry my friend, I understand. Please be safe.”

Mikey nodded halfheartedly and left the subway station with Second Time Around in mind. It was early evening, but the youngest ninja couldn’t be bothered to worry about being seen. He simply didn’t care anymore, and it was likely attributed to the constant state of numbness he felt. That didn’t mean, however, that he went out of his way to be spotted. Mike honed in on his ninja training and stealthily made his way to the building his human friends worked at and let himself in through the window on the second floor. 

“April?” Mikey called out to make his presence known. 

While he waited for the redhead to appear, the sea green mutant sat down on the couch and picked at the wrappings on his nunchaku. He often dropped by, and April was well accustomed to the intrusions by now. Luckily, he wasn’t kept waiting long. 

“Hey, Mikey,” April greeted carefully and entered the living room through the door that led downstairs to her shop. 

Mike sighed, hanging his head, and asked, “Why does it hurt this bad?” 

“Oh, Mike,” April frowned deeply and joined him on the couch so she could hug him.

“I broke up with Leo,” Mikey sobbed after a moment of silence, “I had to. He betrayed me. I h-hate him... But I still love him. And I wish I didn’t.”

“He’s back, though, you can start fixing things,” April offered and rubbed soothing circles on his shell. 

“I can’t trust he won’t leave me again,” Mikey moaned pitifully and then continued in a whisper, “I don’t trust him. And I don’t trust myself either. If I let him back in, I’ll just get knocked down again. I don’t think I’d be able to get up this time.”

April’s heart was breaking for her friend. She often consoled the youngest ninja when he dropped by, but it was proving to be harder than usual this time, especially after having a similar conversation with the one who hurt him earlier that day. She didn’t want to badmouth Leo since she knew how badly he was also hurting, and she’d never speak ill of her blue banded friend despite their situation.

“Mikey, Leo loves you. He isn’t going to hurt you again,” April soothed.

“Why are you defending him?” Mikey suddenly shouted and wrenched himself out of her embrace to glare at her with watery eyes.

April flinched a little, “I just think you should let him try to prove himself to you before you shut him out completely. He’s still your brother even if it doesn’t work out.” 

“You sound like Donnie now,” Mikey muttered darkly and leaned back into her.

“Nobody wants to see you hurting Mikey,” April promised, tightening her arms around him again since she knew that’s what he needed.

Mikey's posture was stiff before relaxing into the hug. In a despondent voice, he muttered, “I don’t remember how to be happy, April. My happiness went to Central America and didn’t come back when he promised he would.” 

“He’s back now, though,” April reminded him gently. 

“I don’t recognize him anymore,” Mikey sighed, “Shell, I don’t even recognize myself anymore.” 

“It’s going to take time, Mike.”

Mikey nodded and closed his blood-shot eyes. His head ached from the amount of crying he’d done that day, and he was confident he was dehydrated at this point. When April asked him to stay for dinner, he agreed with obvious relief. He didn't want to return to the lair that night for dinner and he needed to breach the subject of staying at the farmhouse to both her and Casey anyway. Even though April wanted him to start working things out with Leo, he was sure she would understand his need to be away from the lair and the source of the ‘problem’ for a while. If all went well, all he’d need to worry about was transportation, and maybe stocking the fridge and cabinets. 

 

*Later That Night*

 

Leo regained consciousness slowly and blinked several times into darkness. At first, he wasn't sure where he was until his hands gripped the blanket covering his plastron. It still felt strange to wake up in a soft bed, instead of a tree. He was warm from the blankets, and his head no longer felt like it was flaring. Leo yawned and sat up,instinctively looking to the left side of the bed. With a mournful sigh, Leo put his head in his hands. The bed was just too big with only him in it. He missed how Mikey used to push him to the very edge, and he’d wake up each morning at risk of tumbling onto the floor. He also missed Mike’s kicking. He’d welcome the bruises now if it only meant things could be okay between them again once more.

The blue banded ninja looked up at the alarm clock and was surprised to see he’d spent the entire afternoon sleeping. He needed to get up and eat something soon. Leo wondered if Mikey returned yet and worried about running into him. With a shake of his head, Leo quietly reprimanded himself. He couldn’t think that way! He shouldn’t be avoiding his ex-lover, even if it was excruciatingly painful seeing the cold hatred chilling his blue eyes. Instead, he should be trying to fix things between them. And he wasn’t going to accomplish that by wallowing away in a pool of self-pity hiden away his bedroom. The leaf green terrapin stood up and stretched his tired muscles. He re-tied his mask as he wandered out into the living room. 

Raph was sitting on the couch watching the news and Donnie was most likely holed up in his lab if the sound of machines whirring was anything to go by. Leo passed Raph for the kitchen and grabbed a piece of bread. After quickly buttering and spreading peanut butter across it, he took his snack to the living room and joined his immediate younger brother. The tension thickened the moment he sat down. The emerald turtle grunted at him but otherwise ignored his presence. Here it was - what Leo had been dreading from the red banded ninja. Now that the excitement of his return and breakup wore off, Raph would most likely want to ignore him or fight him. Leo knew Mikey wasn't the only one who felt abandoned by him. 

“Anything new?” Leo asked and gestured his sandwich towards the TV where a reporter was announcing the saving of a recently kidnapped taxi driver.

Raph glanced at him quickly, rolled his amber eyes and muttered darkly, “Well it's all new ta you. Ya haven' been here for a year.”

Leo tried to ignore the cold tone and shame that washed over him. He mumbled, “Yeah. Guess you're right.”

A few minutes later, Leo apologized and Raph snorted in response, clearly not believing the sincerity of the apology. They didn't speak after that because Leo wasn't sure what to say to make things better and Raph wasn't in the mood to try. At least they weren't fighting, though, Leo thought sadly. He'd need to figure something out tomorrow when Raph wasn't in such a bad mood with him, if that was possible. Maybe he'd try to fix things with Donnie first and ask him for help with the purple ninja's mate.

“Has Mikey come back yet?” Leo asked half an hour later when he could no longer refrain from voicing the question that had been at the front of his mind since he woke up.

“No,” Raph shook his head and flipped the channel.

Leo nodded miserably. He should have figured.


End file.
